special, what!?

So, during the last few weeks, we had our 2 year old assessed for a possible issue with his speech.  We always knew he didn't 'use his words' quite as much as we'd like, and sometimes chose to whine instead of talk, but we weren't quite prepared for what the gals had to say when they were finished 'playing' with him that day.  After all, don't all 2-3 year olds whine sometimes?  So, when they were through playing - I heard, "blah blah, qualifies, blah blah, preschool, blah, ECSE, blah, speech therapist, blah".  Before they left, I understood that he 'qualified' for additional preschool because he was 'just under' the developmental norm in two of the four speech/expressive areas.  In my head I thought, "your kid flunked our test and has to go to school."  Okay.  That sucks enough in itself, but then again, that's why I had them come, right?  Why does it suck to know for sure what I knew myself before they came and told me?  Then, when they left, I'm so out of touch, that I actually looked up ECSE...yep, there it was, staring me in the face...Early Childhood Special Education.  Wha!?

*Now, I wrote a whole long blog about how I felt and what thoughts crossed my mind, but it's insanely lengthy and probably not at all politically correct.  So, I'll spare any readers that may have accidentally come to this site and are reading this.  I hope I didn't leave anything offensive in here...I'm new to this.  Jumping to the 'near' end...

The 'test-ladies' did mention the possibility that there can always be underlaying or additional issues.  As much as we want a guarantee that a little speech issue is all that's wrong and he'll be fine by the time he goes to school - they could never say that to us, even if it's most likely the case.  In the end, as much as we hope he'll be just fine - I have to trust that we'll all be okay...whether he grows out of it or if he requires therapy for years and years.  There's just no way to know what will happen.  I can imagine that this the same way millions of other parents have felt before and this is old news and old feelings to many.  Now, I know in my brain that our case is extremely mild in the world of special needs (we are grateful), and people might think bad of me for even having these thoughts or feelings about such a mild case.  People may think I'm crazy for thinking any of these thoughts about our 'special needs' 3 year old.  "It's nothing" or "Tons of kids need help to use language" - but, it is something when it's your child - no matter the severity.  In a year, maybe I'll think how ignorant I was today in writing/feeling this - but, does that make my feelings of the last week any less valid?  It's a little scary to think your child isn't 'normal' - and when we're scared, we do, say, and feel strange things that, in the end, didn't make much sense.  But like so many things, we just don't know until we've been there...there's no way to know and understand...everything is different and every situation is different...

In the meantime, I'm anxious for the 'school year' to begin for Will.  Both special ed preschool and mainstream preschool.  I'm grateful that there are special programs for Will to participate in and benefit from.  I hope he learns from all kinds of people and peers there.  I hope that seeing his classroom, meeting his teachers, seeing his progress (fingers crossed) - will put us at ease about his special ed.  It's hard, but I need to keep telling myself that special ed is a good thing...we're happy he gets to go...  I know it in my head, but it's still hard to accept.

Maybe we just needed a lesson from God on all of this...does everyone get a lesson like this?  They must, right?  I hope so.  and when I say that, I don't mean a lesson via the same circumstances...you know...just in general...any way He sees fit is fine!



"...and that's all I have to say about that."

random 'Jack'ed-up thoughts

This morning on the Today show one of the topics was parenting.  One of the guests said, "Today, parenting is a competitive sport" and I totally feel that way sometimes!  From breastfeeding to potty training.  Why does it gotta feel that way? 

Also, they talked about how stay at home-er's can love their kids and not love their lives.  Again, I can relate.  Not that I/we're unhappy all the time...it's just how it is sometimes.  It was nice to see people talking about it on national tv who get it. 

So, does this mean I'm normal!?  Nice.

perfection is not perfect

It has taken me this long to come to the conclusion that perfection is not perfect and that order does not always create a relaxation.  Nor does cleanliness or monetary income.  Maybe when I lived in a one bedroom apt by myself, it was close to being true...but not anymore, and not for a long time!  It took 4 years of being married and two little boys to force me into this realization...I wasn't going willingly.  It just happened.  Trying to create order in our house of boys is impossible if I truly want to do all of the things I want to do with the boys.  Too stressful and not worth it!  Finally, I'm learning to let go a little bit and have fun.  Keeping up with the Jones' sucks.  Not that I was ever really good at doing everything - it just bothered me that I couldn't do everything i believed that I should be.  Now, it's okay with me that I can't - and know that I won't.

In my opinion, being okay with not being perfect, is harder than striving to be perfect.

Wouldn't it be nice if you just instinctively knew how to live happily and didn't have to figure it out for yourself?

stay at home ________

Now, I love being a Stay at Home Mom (yes, it deserves to be capitalized).  The thing is, being a SAHM, also makes you a full-time, Stay at Home_______.  Yep, fill in the blank...whatever you want....it's all those things that I have an issue with!

june photos

                  

freedom fence

A couple months ago, my brother and fiance, dad, uncle, and husband built a fence around the yard.  Jason actually used a nail gun and a post hole digger, it was impressive.  Besides demolishing the sprinkler system hoses and wiring, and a little dog guard fencing issue, the fence is a total success.   We love our new freedom.  Freedom for Will, who gets to play outside much more than before - and freedom for me, who can now watch the baby or work in the yard without losing Will in that split second needed to look for the pacifier that just fell in the grass.  I'll get to be a little productive (or relax) and Will can get tuckered out for nap time.  I can't wait for more nice weather for meals on the deck where Jason and I can sit and relax while Will runs down the hill or 'bubble mows' the lawn - no more chasing him to the neighbors yard where he likes to pick all the yellow 'flowers' or to the front yard where the street is so tempting. 

Sounds great, huh?!

So, why aren't we outside right now?  Well, Mother Nature gave us clouds, wind and rain.  Who knows, I might just make us all get out there anyway...just because I can

RUFF RUFF

Over the last few weeks, Will started barking whenever Porter would bark. Today, the doorbell rang in Toy Story 2 on tv and Will started barking. Awesome.