special, what!?

So, during the last few weeks, we had our 2 year old assessed for a possible issue with his speech.  We always knew he didn't 'use his words' quite as much as we'd like, and sometimes chose to whine instead of talk, but we weren't quite prepared for what the gals had to say when they were finished 'playing' with him that day.  After all, don't all 2-3 year olds whine sometimes?  So, when they were through playing - I heard, "blah blah, qualifies, blah blah, preschool, blah, ECSE, blah, speech therapist, blah".  Before they left, I understood that he 'qualified' for additional preschool because he was 'just under' the developmental norm in two of the four speech/expressive areas.  In my head I thought, "your kid flunked our test and has to go to school."  Okay.  That sucks enough in itself, but then again, that's why I had them come, right?  Why does it suck to know for sure what I knew myself before they came and told me?  Then, when they left, I'm so out of touch, that I actually looked up ECSE...yep, there it was, staring me in the face...Early Childhood Special Education.  Wha!?

*Now, I wrote a whole long blog about how I felt and what thoughts crossed my mind, but it's insanely lengthy and probably not at all politically correct.  So, I'll spare any readers that may have accidentally come to this site and are reading this.  I hope I didn't leave anything offensive in here...I'm new to this.  Jumping to the 'near' end...

The 'test-ladies' did mention the possibility that there can always be underlaying or additional issues.  As much as we want a guarantee that a little speech issue is all that's wrong and he'll be fine by the time he goes to school - they could never say that to us, even if it's most likely the case.  In the end, as much as we hope he'll be just fine - I have to trust that we'll all be okay...whether he grows out of it or if he requires therapy for years and years.  There's just no way to know what will happen.  I can imagine that this the same way millions of other parents have felt before and this is old news and old feelings to many.  Now, I know in my brain that our case is extremely mild in the world of special needs (we are grateful), and people might think bad of me for even having these thoughts or feelings about such a mild case.  People may think I'm crazy for thinking any of these thoughts about our 'special needs' 3 year old.  "It's nothing" or "Tons of kids need help to use language" - but, it is something when it's your child - no matter the severity.  In a year, maybe I'll think how ignorant I was today in writing/feeling this - but, does that make my feelings of the last week any less valid?  It's a little scary to think your child isn't 'normal' - and when we're scared, we do, say, and feel strange things that, in the end, didn't make much sense.  But like so many things, we just don't know until we've been there...there's no way to know and understand...everything is different and every situation is different...

In the meantime, I'm anxious for the 'school year' to begin for Will.  Both special ed preschool and mainstream preschool.  I'm grateful that there are special programs for Will to participate in and benefit from.  I hope he learns from all kinds of people and peers there.  I hope that seeing his classroom, meeting his teachers, seeing his progress (fingers crossed) - will put us at ease about his special ed.  It's hard, but I need to keep telling myself that special ed is a good thing...we're happy he gets to go...  I know it in my head, but it's still hard to accept.

Maybe we just needed a lesson from God on all of this...does everyone get a lesson like this?  They must, right?  I hope so.  and when I say that, I don't mean a lesson via the same circumstances...you know...just in general...any way He sees fit is fine!



"...and that's all I have to say about that."