yes, Will, you can go poop

Turn volume way up, it's bad audio...but you can hear the last 10 seconds!

For the last 6 months or so, Will has been memorizing his favorite books and will recite them to us. Finally, I decided I should try to get it on tape...then, I get this! Awesome. Classic Will. Doesn't miss a beat..."Can I go poop?!"

can anyone do it all right? parenting guidelines

I've come to the conclusion that there are simply too many 'rules' in parenting; can anyone do everything the right way?  I know I can't.

This all started to snowball in my head when Will saw the dentist and has a cavity at 3.5 years old!  It has to be filled because he won't lose it until he's about 12...bummer.  I have to say, I was in a bit of shock.  We brush his teeth daily.  Rarely drink any watered down juice in our house.   Candy has never been an issue because he doesn't like most sweets.  Fruit snacks have been once a day for about 6 months now (not at all starting today - sorry buddy!).  People have made jokes about Will's healthy eating habits and I have had to tell him "no more fruit today" on a somewhat regular basis.  He chooses veggies over a cookie!  I thought I had the job of keeping my kids healthy right...now a cavity at 3.5, geez!!  So, I learned some dental rules in addition to the: stay away from juices, sugary candy, brush and floss as soon as you see teeth and even before...now, it's: first dental visit at 1yr old, allow at least 2 hours between snacking/meals/drinks (no matter how healthy the snack), no grazing, chew only gum with xylitol as a substitute for sweets if necessary, the list goes on...

I also checked out the new car seat regulations & recommendations - say what!?  I'm all about keeping my kids safe, but I can't imagine having just turned Will to face forward at 3.5 years old!  They say that you should keep your child rear facing, then as restrained as possible (5pt harness) until the car seats size limits are met/exceeded.  So, for our convertible car seat, Will should have been backward facing up to 40 pounds.  Wow, can you imagine?  Have you seen him?  He's the size of a 5yr old!  I have not turned Mason backwards again either, and truthfully, I don't plan on it.  These are not the new laws, just the new recommendations that I am not following.  Rebel Mom!

So, I've heard A LOT of guidelines for parents to follow while raising kids starting from pre-pregnancy, but I'm starting to feel like following all of them is impossible!  Here are a few 'rules' that I can ramble off from the top of my head:

1. NEVER wake a sleeping baby (from a pediatrician)
2. You MUST wake a sleeping baby to nurse every 3 hours for the first few weeks (yes, again from a pediatrician, contradicting #1)
3. breast feeding is THE best (they almost make you feel guilty when you say the word formula)
4. you must have a set schedule for sleeping, eating, playtime, etc
5. a million rules on discipline and time-outs
6. food allergies: don't expose to certain items until 1 or 2 years but now some say that early exposure may help decrease allergies
7. never use a baby walker, they are not safe
8. don't let your baby sleep in a car seat when unnecessary 
9. never give tylenol, it can damage organs (if you do give meds, must be dye free)
10. no pacifier and no bottle after 12 months
11. little or no juice and absolutely no soda
12. potty training has it's own book
13. cut hotdogs lengthwise more than once to avoid choking (same with grapes and other round food)
14. avoid foods with artificial colors, sweeteners, aspartame, etc (impossible!)
15. avoid toys made with bpa or toxins in the paint
16. no more than 30 60 or 90 minutes of television per day (depending on age)
17. leave child rear facing and in 5pt harness until they physically outgrow the car seats height/weight restrictions.
18. do not use chemicals around/on anything that has contact with children
19. must eat nutritionally balanced family meals daily
20. floss and brush twice a day for 1-2 minutes
21. ignore tantrums, walk away, don't yell or get upset
22. start with veggie baby foods, otherwise they may grow up to hate veggies and only like fruit
23. you must be consistent and on the same page as your spouse
24. discipline the first time and every time
25. don't over-do the video games
26. cover all electrical outlets
27. keep all doors shut to bathrooms and stairs
28. have carseat installed by fire/police dept
29. Keep all small objects out of child's reach
30. cover all sharp edges/corners
31. use only flame retardant pj's, but wait, those chemicals are bad for them!
32. always minimize sun exposure, reapply sunscreen often - but be sure they get enough vitamin D
33. always dispose of any extra formula after a feeding
34. use only a cool mist humidifier to avoid burns
35. do not allow eating in the car, always be seated when eating

The list could be endless, and this is only the 'avoid negative stuff' rules - there are still all of the 'encourage the positive stuff' rules, like: remember to catch them being good, provide new and engaging activities, take parent 'time-ins', read a minimum of 30 minutes/day, sing lots of songs, narrate your every move to encourage good vocabulary, recognize what the child is good at/likes and expand/encourage on that, encourage children to assist you in everyday activities even if it slows you down, etc.....another endless list.

So, there you have it.  That's why I'm throwing in the towel on trying to stay in line and accepting that my best is just going to have to be good enough...cavities and all.  For some reason, the serenity prayer came to mind all of the sudden!  ha!

If you have any rules to add...please leave a comment...I can't promise, but I'll try to follow!

favorite snapshots

While gathering photos to upload to Jason's digital photo frame for his office, I found some of my favorites and thought I'd post them just because. Nothing extraordinary, but just some of my favorite moments of Gross Chaos.

don't forget calendar time!

Tonight Jason checked on Will a couple hours after putting him to bed.  He called me up and ran to grab his phone.  So, I peek in...there he was, sound asleep in bed, lights on, covered in red marker.  Every square in April on the Toy Story calendar had been X'd out!  Clearly, the little guy thinks we need to keep up on our nightly calendar routine.  We've slacked for about 3 weeks now and have not been doing 'calendar time' along with teeth, potty, books, song, and prayers before bed.  SO - Will did it himself.  I don't know what impresses me more - the fact that he could reach his markers in the top dresser drawer or his desire to keep up with the calendar.  Either way, I know Jason and I won't be slacking anymore! 

This was just his face...I'll see if I can capture hands, arms, calendar, etc in the morning!  Good Job, Will!  I wonder if he thought to himself - "Today was Friday, April 15th.  Tomorrow is Saturday, April 16th; There will be no school tomorrow and Daddy will be home all day to play."

So, it's been a while and a lot has happened since my last post.  Will is doing fantastic.  He loves school and is doing so well in all areas.  Three years old and using iPads and touch screen computers in school!  Funny...when his dad only had one computer with internet and 13 computers in their 'lab' (k-12 school) at the time he graduated high school.  He loves to recite entire books to us at bedtime and will substitute silly words to see if we catch his 'mistake'!  I've been meaning to catch him with the video camera as he reads to Jason.

Mason is growing like a weed; getting taller and thinner all the time.  Red hair is sticking around yet, which is fun for us.  :)  He can finally wrestle with Will and I catch myself routing for him sometimes simply because Will has used his physical advantage over the last few months and now Mason's catching up and able to hold his own every once in a while.  It's fun to watch!  He does his best to keep up with Will running around the backyard, but he's still a little clumsy when he has any speed - lots of wipe outs!  We love Mason's deep voice and his animated expressions (usually a serious scowl with a stern mumble).

Our next project is a playset for the boys.  I'm in the process of weather sealing 4 boxes full of tiny cedar boards!  I hope I can finish before the crew arrives to assemble!  I hate doing it, but I know they'll spend many hours on it, so I keep going even when I think I'm about to go nuts staining the tiny edges of another 1x3 board and labeling it 'B3' for the 26th time in an hour.  

After that, it'll be the arrival of new bunk beds and that whole transition into sharing a room.

I'm sure those events will come with their own stories!

Anyway, the boys are doing great! 

Here are a couple more I took in the morning...

special, what!?

So, during the last few weeks, we had our 2 year old assessed for a possible issue with his speech.  We always knew he didn't 'use his words' quite as much as we'd like, and sometimes chose to whine instead of talk, but we weren't quite prepared for what the gals had to say when they were finished 'playing' with him that day.  After all, don't all 2-3 year olds whine sometimes?  So, when they were through playing - I heard, "blah blah, qualifies, blah blah, preschool, blah, ECSE, blah, speech therapist, blah".  Before they left, I understood that he 'qualified' for additional preschool because he was 'just under' the developmental norm in two of the four speech/expressive areas.  In my head I thought, "your kid flunked our test and has to go to school."  Okay.  That sucks enough in itself, but then again, that's why I had them come, right?  Why does it suck to know for sure what I knew myself before they came and told me?  Then, when they left, I'm so out of touch, that I actually looked up ECSE...yep, there it was, staring me in the face...Early Childhood Special Education.  Wha!?

*Now, I wrote a whole long blog about how I felt and what thoughts crossed my mind, but it's insanely lengthy and probably not at all politically correct.  So, I'll spare any readers that may have accidentally come to this site and are reading this.  I hope I didn't leave anything offensive in here...I'm new to this.  Jumping to the 'near' end...

The 'test-ladies' did mention the possibility that there can always be underlaying or additional issues.  As much as we want a guarantee that a little speech issue is all that's wrong and he'll be fine by the time he goes to school - they could never say that to us, even if it's most likely the case.  In the end, as much as we hope he'll be just fine - I have to trust that we'll all be okay...whether he grows out of it or if he requires therapy for years and years.  There's just no way to know what will happen.  I can imagine that this the same way millions of other parents have felt before and this is old news and old feelings to many.  Now, I know in my brain that our case is extremely mild in the world of special needs (we are grateful), and people might think bad of me for even having these thoughts or feelings about such a mild case.  People may think I'm crazy for thinking any of these thoughts about our 'special needs' 3 year old.  "It's nothing" or "Tons of kids need help to use language" - but, it is something when it's your child - no matter the severity.  In a year, maybe I'll think how ignorant I was today in writing/feeling this - but, does that make my feelings of the last week any less valid?  It's a little scary to think your child isn't 'normal' - and when we're scared, we do, say, and feel strange things that, in the end, didn't make much sense.  But like so many things, we just don't know until we've been there...there's no way to know and understand...everything is different and every situation is different...

In the meantime, I'm anxious for the 'school year' to begin for Will.  Both special ed preschool and mainstream preschool.  I'm grateful that there are special programs for Will to participate in and benefit from.  I hope he learns from all kinds of people and peers there.  I hope that seeing his classroom, meeting his teachers, seeing his progress (fingers crossed) - will put us at ease about his special ed.  It's hard, but I need to keep telling myself that special ed is a good thing...we're happy he gets to go...  I know it in my head, but it's still hard to accept.

Maybe we just needed a lesson from God on all of this...does everyone get a lesson like this?  They must, right?  I hope so.  and when I say that, I don't mean a lesson via the same circumstances...you know...just in general...any way He sees fit is fine!



"...and that's all I have to say about that."

random 'Jack'ed-up thoughts

This morning on the Today show one of the topics was parenting.  One of the guests said, "Today, parenting is a competitive sport" and I totally feel that way sometimes!  From breastfeeding to potty training.  Why does it gotta feel that way? 

Also, they talked about how stay at home-er's can love their kids and not love their lives.  Again, I can relate.  Not that I/we're unhappy all the time...it's just how it is sometimes.  It was nice to see people talking about it on national tv who get it. 

So, does this mean I'm normal!?  Nice.

perfection is not perfect

It has taken me this long to come to the conclusion that perfection is not perfect and that order does not always create a relaxation.  Nor does cleanliness or monetary income.  Maybe when I lived in a one bedroom apt by myself, it was close to being true...but not anymore, and not for a long time!  It took 4 years of being married and two little boys to force me into this realization...I wasn't going willingly.  It just happened.  Trying to create order in our house of boys is impossible if I truly want to do all of the things I want to do with the boys.  Too stressful and not worth it!  Finally, I'm learning to let go a little bit and have fun.  Keeping up with the Jones' sucks.  Not that I was ever really good at doing everything - it just bothered me that I couldn't do everything i believed that I should be.  Now, it's okay with me that I can't - and know that I won't.

In my opinion, being okay with not being perfect, is harder than striving to be perfect.

Wouldn't it be nice if you just instinctively knew how to live happily and didn't have to figure it out for yourself?